Week 12

Dirty Birds (121.50) vs El Nino's (62.50)
In a moment as delicious as it was certainly fated, the Dirty Birds eliminated the El Ninos' playoff hopes by beating them by a wide margin. One could call it stomping on their necks. It seems like Hong's Midas Touch has faded, as his twenty point scorers (Marion Barber, Devery Henderson, Marty Booker) all sat on the bench, along with Jerricho Cotchery and Brandon Jacobs -- both of whom scored more than anyone who started. Not gonna win a whole lot of games with Eli Manning as your best player, when he puts up only 11 pts no less. The Birds flew high behind Larry Johnson (21.5), a rejuvenated Carson Palmer (23), and a touch of TJ Houshmandzadeh (16.5) and Donald Driver (15). Perhaps this game might have been better as a bench brawl, as Jon left Joseph Addai's 45 points and Larry Fitzgerald's 22 pts on the hot seat. Still, a win is a win.

Dukes of Hazzard (123.00) vs Jedi Knighs (89.50)
Try as he might, Lum just can't stop the rampaging beast that is Gene. The Baltimore Defense put up a fabulous effort, 25 points, but effort only wins you cheers from the babes -- not actual wins. The Jedi Knights are star deprived and depleted, and they are limping into the playoffs with Delhomme and Pennington at the helm backed up by slumping stars like Hines Ward (5) and Warrick Dunn (11). The Dukes are just starting to warm up, with new Cowboy legend Tony Romo (35 points) flinging the ball to Steve Smith, Andre Johnson, and Reggie Wayne (37 points combined).

And look who's back just in time for the playoffs, number three overall pick, Shaun Alexander! With a nice debut of 20 points (on 40 carries for 200 yards), can Shaun power another team to a championship?

Fobulous (155.50) vs Pizza the Hut (113.00)
In a last ditch attempt to stay in playoff contention, Marcus marshalled his forces of evil (or ineptitude, however you want to see it) and tried to let Frank Gore power his way to victory. Gore's 24 points wasn't quite enough however. And even with the efforts of Matt Leinart (20), Tiki Barber (13.5), and Chad Johnson (15.5), the Huts are going to fall in defeat during the regular season -- before they even get the chance to defend their championship. Hey, at least they're out of the cellar -- Hi Hong!

Oh Jimmy, ride that LT train to victory! LT is the MVP this year, I don't care what anyone says. Another 26.5 points, this time supplemented by Brian Westbrook (25.5), Anquan Boldin (24.5), and Terrell Owens (20). If the Fobsters can capture lightning in a glass every week like this, they can beat anybody. It looks like they are currently on a one week on, one week off win-loss pattern. So whoever plays Jimmy in Round One, watch out!

Razor Ramon (154.50) vs Brown Starz (107.00)
If consistency is the hallmark of champions, then Ryan deserves the championship this year. He only has one game under the century mark (in WK 6) and five games over 130+. He's nigh invulnerable most weeks. Drew Brees, hit'em high with 25 points. Steven Jackson, hit'em low with 29.5 points. Chester Taylor will run (21.5), Michael Vick (20 pts) will pass -- sort of -- and Terry Glenn (22) will catch, and this team will win win win!

The Brown Starz remain an enigmatic team. W-W-L-W-T-L in the past six weeks. They can take you out if you're not looking, but aren't quite good enough to win if you focus hard on them. This team really needs QB Peyton Manning to step up. Brad Johnson should not be outscoring him (26 to 11) and if Peyton doesn't want to play fantasy MVP, who will on this team? Do you really want to rely on Rudi Johnson, Jamal Lewis, Roy Williams, or Darrell Jackson leading the championship drive? They're all nice players but they aren't Peyton now are they?


Next week: Dirty Birds versus The Dukes of Hazzard. Neither team play each other, but with Birds win and a Dukes loss, the Birds could sneak into a playoff bye. Unlikely, but possible. Other than that, it's just playoff jostling.

Week 11

We only got two more weeks here. Plus, the trade deadline is now over and done with. No more Brees-Muhammad, RonnieBrown-Ward, SteveSmith-Grossman trades. Now we strictly ride the horses we got. Hi ho Silver! Regulators, mount up!

Dukes of Hazzard (133.00) vs Dirty Birds (80.00)
Proving that the louder you squawk, the more people tune you out. The Dirty Birds had a huge win last week but came out to play for sole possession of 2nd place and well, crapped a big one. Ronnie Brown? Negative 2 points. Everyone score less than 7.5 points except for Carson Palmer (23) and Larry Johnson (27). Against a growling powerhouse like the Dukes, that's not gonna cut it. Exploding for 133 points, the Dukes rode Willie Parker (19), Steve Smith (17), and Reggie Wayne (20.5) to a win. Plus they picked up the disappointing Reggie Bush, reinvigorated him -- he went from a losing franchise to a winning one -- and he put in 14 points. But forget about football, Gene's going to be a daddy! Duke Jr!

Razor Ramon (113.50) vs Jedi Knights (62.50)
Despite historically collapsing in the second half, Ryan is proving that he's got a bit of stamina this year. Yes sir, with his QBs Drew Brees (500+ yards! 26 pts) and Tom Brady (25) leading the way, the Ramons almost doubled up Lum and his Jedi Knights. The Force is not with you Kevin Jones (0 pts), nor you Isaac Bruce (0.50), nor really, anyone else on the team. No Jedi player notched more than 11.50 points. Hum, that's not going to add up to a victory, not against a math whiz like Ryan! With a win in either of next two weeks, the Razors will secure the number one seed heading into the playoffs.

Fobulous (113.50) vs Brown Starz (113.50)
There's nothing more exciting than... a tie? Despite Galvez still trash-talking to last week's opponent, the Brown Starz rode recent acquisition Jamal Lewis (29.50 pts) to a heads up battle against LT (42.5) and the rest of the Fobulous -- otherwise known as "The LT Cheerleaders." To be quite honest, how can Jimmy have LT, far and away the best player in fantasy this year, and manage to only win 5 games? This team also has big names such as Brian Westbrook, Terrell Owens, Deuce McAllister, and Anquan Boldin on its roster. Only 5 wins? Does someone have his mind on pursuing a different kind of (relationship) championship? With this extraordinary tie, Galvez sneaks into the top three and has a chance to overtake Gene to get a bye in the playoffs. Never underestimate the heart of a champion!

Pizza the Hut (121.00) vs El Nino's (65.00)
Hey look, it's the Toilet Bowl three weeks early! These last place teams were so excited to be out of the playoffs they decided to play in WK11 just for a preview. Marcus got a win! Marcus got a win! As Hong finds new depths to sink to (bye bye Donovan, ouchy ouchy Marques Colston), Marcus comes on strong and rides Chad Johnson's 40 points to a well deserved win. Supporting best player awards go to Matt Leinart (21 pts) and Frank Gore (23). As for Hong's team, well, Thomas Jones scored 13! Woo-hoo!

Neither team is statistically eliminated from the playoffs yet, but barring two losses by Lum and two wins by either Marcus and Hong, we know which teams will be on the outside looking in come playoff time. However, winners never say "die" and both of these teams could still mess up the playoff matchups by pulling an pset or two in the coming weeks. Remember, it's never too early to play for the morale victory. "I'll make you famous....."

Week 10

Dirty Birds (146.50) vs Razor Ramon (102.00)
After riding high on his smack talk from last week, Ryan was taken down from behind (from, not "in the") by Jon. It was reminiscent of the time Jon pushed/nudged Ryan from behind in order to prevent him from catching a TD pass during the Galvez co-workers' Turkey Bowl. Just like that day, the Dirty Birds took out the Razors and left Ryan laying on the floor. Dirty Bird QB Carson Palmer blew up with 32 points, mainly to Donald Driver (28 pts) and the rest of the flock contributed enough to put up the Birds into 2nd place in the league. The Ramons put up a fight with Drew Brees (24) and Steven Jackson (22), but the WR crew failed to contribute in a big way -- M Harrison, Plaxico, and Mike Furrey combined for only 11 points. It's okay true believers, the Razors are still a game ahead of everyone else -- for now.

The Dukes of Hazzard (144.00) vs Pizza the Hut (105.50)
Speaking of smack downs, the Dukes put a hurting on the Huts -- plus they beat them on the football field. These little rim shot asides don't even work anymore do they? I need to re-think my comedic timing and train of thought. Anyway, the Dukes rode the fire hot Willie Parker (35 pts!), along with 20+ performances from both Tony Romo and Ben Roethlisberger to a big win. Was the trade for WR Steve Smith (24) the best one ever? Quite possibly. What has Lum gotten out of Rex Grossman? Nothing!

As for the Huts, well, it might be time to sound the alarm and enjoy last year's ring. Or maybe trade some of their pieces to a contender just to you know, mess things up. They did make a move for Damon Huard, but that seemed to not work out. RB Frank Gore (23) is still an animal but the rest of this team seems to have given up after another loss. Only three more weeks and the pain's all over Marcus!

Brown Starz (106.50) vs Jedi Knights (105.00)
Let's talk about some CLOSE games for a change. The Brown Starz edged out the Knights by 0.5 a few weeks ago, and they did it again! This time by 1.5 points. At this rate, a 2.5 blowout win by Galvez is scheduled to occur in the playoffs if these two teams meet up. I guess having the super steady Peyton Manning will win you some close games. Galvez keeps riding the efforts of Manning, the Bears D, and a smattering of help from a cast of Rudi Johnson, Darrell Jackson, or Roy Williams to keep the wins coming.

Lum seems to be the Bad News Bears, as he keeps on losing close matchups. Still, they are looking good as Hiines Ward and Kevin Jones is ready to power this team to a deep playoff run. Can the other RBs Warrick Dunn and Clinton Portis pick it up? Or will the Knights continue to lose these nail biters? Perhaps another trade is on the horizon?

Fobulous (149.50) vs El Nino's (137.00)
This high powered matchup mirrored the Chargers-Bengals game as both teams exploded. Hong was ready to rip shit up -- excuse the language -- and his team came out firing. WR stars Marques Colston (21) and Donte Stallworth (22) led the way for a balanced attack. Donovan, Thomas Jones, Marion Barber, and Muhsin Muhammad all have very nice games. But oh wait, Eli Manning, the Golden Child, had 0 points? What?

Did we mention that Jimmy had LaDainian EXPLODE for 42 points? Although half of Jimmy's team outright sucks, he's got LT and Westbrook (and TO) pulling the chains each week. That'll cover up for a lot of duds. Add in the mercurial Brett Favre and that makes Fobulous a stick of dynamite nobody wants to meet for in the playoffs. The good thing is, Jimmy can't quite put it together to win more than one game at a time, so it looks like Galvez is headed for another win next week -- historically.

Oh Hong, five losses in a row? Who's your fantasy guru now? Marcus?


Next week: Showdown between two former bottom dwellers who are once again #2 and #3 in the standings. Gene versus Jon! If you want to watch this drama unfold over 12 rounds, pony up for pay-per-view baby. Plus you'll get to see a football game.

Standings: Mid-Season

Razor Ramon (7-2)
Dirty Birds (5-4)
Jedi Knights (5-4)
Dukes of Hazzard (5-4)
Brown Starz (5-4)
Fobulous (5-4)
El Nino's (3-6)
Pizza the Hut (2-7)

Week 9

In an amazing feat, EVERY team in the league scored over 100 points this week. Wow!

Razor Ramon (162.00) vs Pizza the Hut (141.50)
It's true, the Razors cannot be defeated. Even another huge game by their opponents, Ryan stands alone at the top (with a two game lead) and loving it. New QB Drew Brees put up 27 points, Steven Jackson exploded for 31.5, and Marvin Harrison was, well, Marvin Harrison (30 pts). Even after a huge week by the Hut's Javon Walker (41 pts), there was nothing but stars in the Ramon's eyes. Marcus had to be feeling good about a win after Walker, Tiki (22.5) and David Garrard (21) went off, but the crippling effects of having Alex Smith (3), Julius Jones (7), and most of all, Chad Johnson (5) underachieve doomed him to yet another loss. Who can stop this fantasy juggernaut called the Razor Ramons?...

Update: Apparently Ryan and Marcus had a war of words in which Marcus was given the option to have Ryan sit any player in his lineup. Marcus chose Tom Brady. Brady sucked. His replacement, Drew Brees, did not. Had Ryan not played Brees (and stuck with Brady), he would have lost to Marcus. So, as Ryan gloatingly pointed out, Marcus chose his own doom!

Dirty Birds (126.00) vs Brown Starz (111.50)
Well, how about the Dirty Birds, owners of a four game winning streak and already one up on the Razors (114.50 to 109.00 in WK3) this season? The Birds are -- finally -- flying high after taking care of business against the Brown Starz. Randy Moss (10) and Darrell Jackson (5.5) gave a valiant -- not really -- effort on MNF but in the end, they couldn't quite overtake the Birds. The Starz had Brad Johnson put in a big fat zero for the week and aside from WR Roy Williams (22 pts) and former Dirty Bird Jamal Lewis (15.5 pts) it wasn't pretty for Galvez. The Birds didn't have an amazing week themselves (only Bulger, Larry Johnson and Tony G had over 20 points) but it was enough to win. Bring it on Ryan, bring it on!

Jedi Knights (132.50) vs Fobulous (117.5)
Rex Grossman can't seem to return to superhuman form (only 6 pts this week) -- and Grossman for Steve Smith might be the worst trade of the year. Still, it's not like the Jedi Knight's opponent, Jimmy, is putting up much of an effort in a loss that drops him to 4-5 and outside a glut of teams perched at 5-4. The Fobsters are essentially riding the LT train (38.5 pts) and getting a little bit out of Terrell Owens each week (16.5) as they try to climb back into the playoff hunt. QBs Brett Favre and Mark Brunell must be the oldest starting signal-callers in the league and are mediocre at best. WR B Berrian got hurt this week and it's not like Chris Henry is ready to step up. Might be some rough times ahead for Fobulous.

On one final note....this is the season we can actually say "Kevin JONES, Kevin JONES" and have it mean something. He's doing spectacular (28 points this past week) as his Det-roit toughness finally emerges, leading Lum's team to victory after victory.

Dukes of Hazzard (129.00) vs El Nino's (100.00)
Hum, maybe trading -- and mistakenly dropping -- QB Drew Brees earlier in the season wasn't the greatest idea. In return for a possible MVP candidate, "The El Nino's select(ed) Muhsin Muhammad." Underwhelming to be sure. After losing yet another game, four in a row now, the Nino's need some life breathed into their QB core -- Eli Manning (10) and Steve McNair (12) aren't pulling their weight. The only star on this squad is rookie WR Marques Colston (23.5 pts). Bill Simmons said of Coltson this past week, "What were the odds before the season that the Saints would have the Offensive Rookie of the Year and it wouldn't be Reggie Bush? A million to one? A bazillion to one?"

Gene wasted no time playing Willie Parker this week (28.5) and rode him to victory after mis-using him last week. The addition of Tony Romo (22) balances out the increasingly uneven Philip Rivers (12) and allowed the Dukes to head into 5-4 territory to fight it out with three other teams (Jon, Lum, Galvez).


Next week: Razor Ramons (7-2) versus Dirty Birds (5-4). 1st versus 2nd. Is third time the charm? Hoo-ah!

Week 8

Brown Starz (100.50) vs Pizza the Hut (82.50)
Oh man, the Huts are about to fall out of contention after yet another loss (three in a row). After two stellar weeks (WK 5 and 6, 132.50 and 142.00), the Huts are staring at two straight 80-point weeks. Which is the real Huts? It's hard to tell.

They do have good running backs (Tiki, Frank Gore, Julius Jones, and the new find, Wali Lundy), good receivers Chad Johnson, Javon Walker, Kellen Winslow, and Santana Moss, but their QB position is killing them. To say that Alex Smith and Chad Pennington (a combined 8 pts this week) won't do the job is hardly enough. Chad has had an off and on season and could be fine, but Smith is clearly not starter quality. He needs to go, a new QB must be found. And the Huts need to make their move now, by waiver wire or trade, to make a push for the playoffs. They're not that far away from hitting the , but they need to make moves!

The Brown Starz, on the other hand, are looking dandy heading into the second half of the season. They are at an uplifting 5-5 and with Peyton Manning (31 pts) dissecting foes each week, this team is rolling. The Starz didn't even have Corey Dillon and Brad Johnson on Sunday and they've already got a win secured behind Peyton, Rudi Johnson (11), Darrell Jackson ( 13.5), Alge Crumpler (15) and the Bears D (14). Go team Galvez!

Fobulous (117.50) vs Dukes of Hazzard (114.00)
Taiwan versus Korea, and Taiwan wins...despite not starting a QB who was playing. How does it feel to lose to a team that only had one healthy quarterback (Leftwich was out)? It smarts, that's for damn sure. Then again, when LaDainian Tomlinson puts up 42.5 points by himself, he can cover a lot of holes in your offense. Add in Brian Westbrook (13), Terrell Owens (16.5) and Brett Favre's (19) efforts and you have a bonafide Taiwanese victory.

Albeit a very close victory. If only the Korean sensation had played RB Willie Parker (17) instead of the underperforming Leon Washington and Travis Henry -- never trust a Jet -- he would have stolen the win. The Dukes had their own 3 TD stud in Reggie Wayne (38) and excellent performances from fellow WR Andre Johnson ( 17.5) and Steve Smith (16), but they fell a little behind with Matt Leinart's 9 point game, and only 14 from Philip Rivers. I guess inexperience at QB will kill you, in fantasy or in real life. Maybe next week Gene?

Dirty Birds (138.50) vs Jedi Knights (96.50)
The Birds seem to be rising phoenix-like from the ashes. So far this season, any team that has neared to bottom of the standings, or been at the bottom, seems to rebound with two or three wins to get right back in the thick of things. The Birds put up a stellar 138.50 points this week behind Larry Johnson's 4 TDs and 42 points. It looks like Larry's finally coming around to carry his team. While Carson Palmer and Marc Bulger put in some basic games (19 and 24), Freddy Taylor got in the action with two TDs too. Nice.

The Jedi Knights are coming off a two week high (reaching second place in the league in the meantime) and this loss was just a blip on the radar. QB Rex Grossman got back to his old self with 24 points (matched by the Ravens D, also with 24), but that waasn't quite enough to secure a win. RBs Tatum Bell and Warrick Dunn combined for only 9 points total and WRs Hines Ward (12), Drew Bennett ( 2.5) and Bryant Johnson (0.5) weren't too spectacular neither. But it's okay, you can't win'em all right? The Knights might have taken this one up the wazoo but they are still looking good.

Razor Ramons (144.50) vs El Nino's (124.00)
Oh El Nino's, after a pretty outstanding week, they still stand to lose to hated rival Razor Ramons -- unless Tom Brady and Chester Taylor combine for less than 17 points. Not likely. However, that's why they play the game.

The Nino's had outstanding performances from their entire roster this weekend. Thomas Jones (21), New Orleans WR Horn and Colston were the super twins with 51.5 combined, and K Robbie Gould got 12 points. However, the head guys, the QBs for this team failed. Donovan McNabb and Eli Manning only had 11 points apiece, clearly not enough to pull the upset on the Razors. You can't chop off the dragon's head with anything short of Excaliber. Perhaps inserting Muhsin Muhammad ( 14.5) or Marion Barber (16.5) from the bench would have helped, instead it was lackluster efforts by Reggie Bush and Jericho Cotchery that stunk up the joint.
MNF, time to sit back and pray.

If the games hold true and the Razors win this week, it'll be due to the prescient move of starting Ahman Green, who rumbled for an amazing (for him) 25 points. While Michael Vick continues to show his might by throwing his way to 31 pts, the RB-WR duo of Stephen Jackson ( 20.5) and Plaxico Burress (17.5) had great weeks. And that's not all. The Ramons had the Edge (17.5), DeShaun Foster (16) and Drew Brees (25) on the bench. Retarded.

Interestingly, neither team's defenses (Arizona and Denver) put up any points. C'mon kids, no sacks? No interceptions? Nothing? Remarkable.
It looks like it'll take another David -- not a Kelvin or a Hong -- to knock off the Ramon Goliaths.

MNF Update: Brady blew up for 32.00. Game over.


Next Week: Brown Starz versus Dirty Birds. The fight for second place, coming next week!