Super Bowl II

Fobulous (132.00) vs Dukes of Hazard (107.50)

With another big upset under their belt, Fobulous becomes the second champion in Black Hole history. Despite entering the post-season as only a fourth seed, Jimmy's team was the dark horse contender simply because of LaDainian Tomlinson.

Showing a savvy beyond the skills of his English, Jimmy worked all year long to secure a roster worthy of being called "Champion." On Christmas day, Jimmy and his Buddhist beliefs took it to the mouth of Gene and Jesus by socking them in the mouth -- and winning handily by 24.5 points. Take that Son of God! Ohm-me-to-fo...

The Dukes of Hazzard didn't just roll over -- perhaps they bent over just a little -- but their effort came up a bit short. Starting off Sunday with some success, the Dukes fell behind early -- Cedric Benson (5), Reggie Wayne (3.5), Antonio Gates (7) -- but fought back hard behind stud running backs Shaun Alexander (27) and Reggie Bush (21). The problems started however, when the passing attack stalled behind QBs Tony Romo (11) and Jay Cutler (14), and most of all, Smurf-sized star WR Steve Smith racked up a hum-dinger, zero. Gene's Kansas City Defense gave it a go, 16 points, but were obviously unable to overcome the potent offense that Jimmy was packing.

Fobulous had ridden the hard charging legs of LaDainian Tomlinson and Brian Westbrook all season long but the two All-Pros combined for only 26.5 points this week -- that's usually just one good half for LDT. Terrell Owens (9) and Anquan Boldin (8) didn't exactly step up either, as they faced double coverage all day.

However, all the attention on these four stars freed WR Bernard Berrian for 12.5 points and gave Maurice Jones-Drew the room to rumble for 32 points! Jeff Garcia (17) has been a revelation for the Eagles and has been steady for Jimmy during the last few weeks. Old war horse Brett Favre -- and Jimmy's favorite Madden football player -- can finally ride off into the sunset with a championship, despite having a sub-par performance, 10 points. And look, a championship for John Carney too, who was delighted to be off of the El Nino's and booted in 12 points to cap the victory.

So, as much as I hate to say it, Jimmy's Fobulous is our champion! Long live Taiwan! Is Jimmy even aware that he won? I think he's on vacation with his girlfriend. Fantasy Champion + Girlfriend = Jimmy? 2006 has been the year of many firsts for Jimmy. Right?

Playoffs: Semi-Finals

Fobsters 142.50 vs Razor Ramon 139.00
Why have the best record when you can have the best player? Proving once again that stars step up when it's crunch time, the best player in the world, LaDainian Tomlinson, led the way to a huge upset with 31.5 points on Sunday. Finishing one yard shy of 200 yards and two TDs (one on a spectacular 80+ yard run), LDT is showing that he can't be stopped.

The Razors didn't have a bad week but they sure didn't seem to have enough to fend off LT and the boys. RB Stephen Jackson did his best LDT impersonation with 24 points but he wasn't even Brian Westbrook (27.5). After that, the disappointments for the Razors piled up. QBs Drew Brees and Tom Brady totaled 21 points; Ahman Green only had 14.5 pts; Plaxico has a respectable 15.

Struggling with indecision before the games, Ryan went with Marques Colston over Terry Glenn -- both WRs got 11.5 pts, no loss there. Maybe Lee Evans would have been the better choice (13.5) but why quibble over two points when you're likely to lose by twenty? Back to those QBs. Brees has been a monster this year but maybe Brady could have picked it up a notch since he was playing the hapless Houston Texans -- Mike Vick had 30 on the bench. Beat a team 40-7 and only rack up 13 fantasy points Tom? Ryan hates you right now. Barring a miracle outing from Marvin Harrison on MNF, the great regular season by Ryan will be only a memory as Jimmy takes him down for the third time this year.

Speaking of those Fobsters. It wasn't just the LaDainian Tomlinson show. You don't score 140+ on the back of one great back. The aforementioned Brian Westbrook had 27.5 points and Terrell Owens contributed 20.5. One man's loss is another man's gain as Freddy Taylor's early injury may have doomed Jon to a loss, but Maurice Jones-Drew exploded for 20.5 to match Owens. The passing game is a bit of a weak spot as Fobster QBs Brett Favre and Jeff Garcia combined for only 16 points; as well as weak performances from WRs Anquan Boldin (8.5) and Bernard Berrian (6). Still, we're not looking for perfection here, just wins.

Jimmy is looking like the prohibitive favorite entering the Super Bowl -- he's no regular fourth seed underdog, not with LDT playing the way he is.

MNF - Well, Marvin gave it the old college go didn't he? Eight catches, three TDs and 30 points. Tragically, the Razors needed 34 to win. Ouch.

Dukes of Hazzard (112.00) vs Dirty Birds (63.50)
The Dirty Birds are on their way to a flame out. Sure there's Monday Night left but really, can Carson Palmer, TJ Housmanzedeh and Bengals D take on a 40-point deficit and Reggie Wayne? GM Yang had wanted to stick RB Joseph Addai in his lineup but was late to the computer and was instead left with the turd that Fred Taylor dropped (3 pts) on his way to another injury. The Birds' motto this year is "Never say die, keep flying high!" but it's looking grim as the end of their season nears. Their highest scorer this week? Donald Driver with 10.5 points. Marc Bulger (6), Larry Johnson (9.5), Torry Holt (7), and Larry Fitzgerald (9.5) all crapped out and will be fired immediately following the loss.

It's not like the Dukes had a great week. They will score enough to win, but they didn't have anyone go huge. Solid performances from QBs Ben Roethlisberger (18) and Tony Romo (19) paved the running lanes for RBs Willie Parker (19) and Shaun Alexander (13). WRs Steve Smith and Antonio Gates combined for an ugly 8 points but together, the team should have done enough to advance to the Super Bowl.

This marks the second straight year that Gene will have eliminated Jon on the road to the championship. A true rivalry in the making.

MNF - Well, Reggie Wayne single-handedly outscored the three Bengals -- 17.50 to 16 -- and that puts the nail in the coffin on the Dirty Birds. Good night kids. Never take anyone but Tomlinson with the first pick -- huge mistake.

Playoffs: Opening Round

Dirty Birds (132.00) vs Jedi Knights (76.00)
The Knights have had trouble at the QB position all year and in the end, it was the failures of Jake Delhomme and Chad Pennington that sunk them. The two combined for 8 points total and that's hardly going to win crucial playoff matchups. In fact, the only players who can stick their head high after this game is the surprising Braylon Edwards (16) and Kevin Jones (15). In a coincidence, Jones plays for the Detroit Lions and Braylon Edwards was once a Michigan Wolverine. Go Blue?

The Birds didn't have to rely on hometown heroes to put points on the board and took to the air with TJ Houshmandzadeh (21), Larry Fitzgerald (16.50), Torry Holt (22) and the explosion by Donald Driver (26.5). Tragically, this team has some holes since 2nd QB David Garrard totalled 1 point and 2nd RB Joseph Addai only added 3.5. Still, a win's a win!

Fobulous (145.50) vs Brown Starz (116.00)
The Chinese crew took another one this week as Jimmy eliminates Galvez after a heated battle. In the end, up-and-coming Vince Young (22) helped LaDainian (28.5) -- only first names for him now -- to comfortably win in this first round matchup. LT now has the TD record and a chance to match up with the goliath team, Razor Ramon. Which squad is more scared heading into the semis? The league leading Razors? Or the LT led Fobulous? Tough call -- do we smell upset?

The Starz had Rudi Johnson rumble for 21 points and a good overall effort from Jamal Lewis (14) and Darrell Jackson (14.5), but if you're going against a hot team, you're gonna need more than 19 from your All-Pro quaterback, Peyton Manning. Without his superstar play, the Starz take one on the noggin and exit the playoffs.

Next week: The Semi-Final, the best matchups ever? Tbd.

Final Standings

Razor Ramon (9-4) 1660.00, L-1
Dukes of Hazzard (9-4) 1522.00, W-5
Dirty Birds (8-5) 1553.00, W-2
Fobulous (7-5-1) 1624.50, W-2
Brown Starz (6-6-1) 1419.00, L-2
Jedi Knights (6-7) 1398.00, W-1

Pizza the Hut (3-10) 1415.00, L-2
El Nino's (3-6) 1354.50, L-8

Week 13

Fobulous (140.00) vs Razor Ramon (138.50)
It's official, the Razors are nigh invulnerable and will finish the regular season at 10-3. Quite a feat considering that one of their top playeres, QB Michael Vick, has been erratic as hell. Still, he carried the team early on and then Drew Brees (obtained in exchange for WR Muhsin Muhammad) took over. This week, WR Marvin Harrison took over the reins (26.5) and powered Razor to a strong win. We'll announce our MVP for the season but it's going to be hard to not pick a player from the best team in the league.

The Fobulous ones took out Razor Ramon last time they matched up, but unless QB Jeff Garcia and RB Brian Westbrook combine for 47 points, they're gonna have to take a hit on their record and fall to exactly 0.500 (6-6-1) heading into the post-season. LaDainian Tomlinson continues his MVP-type performance (31.5) and for the first time in years, is not dinged up heading into the fantasy playoffs. Fobulous may not have the best regular season record, but nobody wants to face the LT-Train come playoff time.

MNF Update: It's a Monday Night comeback! Jeff Garcia is a blast from the past and goes wild with 28 pts! Brian Westbrook goes for 20! The Fobsters win by 1.5 points! It's a miracle! Too bad it's a meaningless game at the end of the season. Still, the Fobulous ones prove that they can beat the Razors -- again.

Dukes of Hazzard (112.50) Brown Starz (89.50)
Forget simply winning for pride, Gene and his Dukes need to make sure that Steve Smith and DeAngelo Williams combine for over 17.5 points to take out Galvez, otherwise they'll take a loss and lose out on a bye to the Dirty Birds. Nobody wants to lose out on a playoff bye in the first round. Let's see if Steve Smith can pull through on MNF; it's hard to bet against this mighty mite. Other than that, the story of the week is RB Reggie Bush, who finally exploded for 40+ points and 4 TDs -- all while sitting on the bench. Whoops. Still, the Dukes head into the post-season on quite a roll (five wins in a row if they win this week) and stand a good chance to take a ring. QB Tony Romo can't throw up another dud though, with only 9 points.

The Brown Starz have been an up-and-down team all season. QB Peyton Manning has been steady but hardly spectacular, and he might cool his jets once the Colts secure home field advantage. In the meantime, the other QB spot is in turmoil for the Starz. I mean, if your QB (Brad Johnson) gets negative 5 points, that's turmoil right? The Starz are consistent (only 2 weeks not hitting the century mark) but they usually hover around the low 100's. That might not be enough come playoff time. The Bears D is going to have to continue playing tough (23 points) in order for the Starz to make an impact in the coming weeks.

MNF Update: DeAngelo Williams explodes for 26.5 points and Steve Smith notches 14 to secure the win -- and the coveted bye -- for the Dukes. Vacation time for Gene's boys! (That does not mean going commando buddy...)

Dirty Birds (114.50) vs Pizza the Hut (98.00)
Trent Green's back! With 26 points, Mr Green came back triumphantly, just in time for...another Pizza the Hut loss. How the mighty have fallen. A ring in hand does not insure a playoff spot does it? Tiki and Chad may be primetime players, but they haven't been able to carry the defending champions to too many wins. But hey, at least the Huts didn't finish last!

The Birds are hoping to sneak their way into a playoff bye, just like Florida snuck their way into a BCS title game. Even though they probably don't deserve to get a bye (the Dukes beat them two weeks ago), they could if the Dukes falter on Monday Night. With a strong passing attack -- led by Torry Holt (20.5), TJ Houshmandzadeh (21) and Larry Fitzgerald (12.5) -- the Birds are capable of putting up big numbers. For them to win a championship though, they're going to need Larry Johnson to turn it up a notch and prove that he was selected #1 overall for a reason.

Jedi Knights (109.00) vs El Nino's (78.5)
What an embarassing end to an embarassing season. The El Nino's could lose despite their opponent scoring only 73.00 points. Of course, they could also win as WR Donte Stallworth faces off against the Knight's Jake Delhomme and Keyshawn Johnson, but it's more likely that they'll lose and put a cap on their first to last season. QB Eli Manning finally emerged from a funk with 21 points but hey Eli, too little too late. Hong had a Midas touch earlier in the season but this time around, early season finds like Jerricho Cotchery (19.5), Marion Barber III (19) and Marty Booker (14.5) were left flailing on the bench. Plus, Hong moved away all the wrong New Orleans players; hanging onto injured WR Joe Horn while cutting RB Reggie Bush and trading away QB Drew Brees -- both of whom are on championship contending teams now.

The Jedi Knights will enter the playoffs as big underdogs (having lost three in a row and failing to top 100 points in three games) but at least they have a puncher's chance. They've made some bad moves this year too. Well, one bad move: QB Rex Grossman was acquired in exchange for WR Steve Smith. Not good. RB Ronnie Brown was moved for WR Hines Ward also, but that's a wash as both players are listed as "out." Can a team whose biggest star is um...Baltimore Defense...really win a championship? Maybe it's time for hometown hero RB Kevin Jones to start heating up and take the Knights through a winter ride they'll never forget; a ride towards a championship! KEVIN JONES!

MNF Update: Delhomme and Johnson combine for 36, Donte gets 19. Not quite enough for Hong to pull out of last place. Oh well, maybe next year.




Good luck in the playoffs everyone!

Week 12

Dirty Birds (121.50) vs El Nino's (62.50)
In a moment as delicious as it was certainly fated, the Dirty Birds eliminated the El Ninos' playoff hopes by beating them by a wide margin. One could call it stomping on their necks. It seems like Hong's Midas Touch has faded, as his twenty point scorers (Marion Barber, Devery Henderson, Marty Booker) all sat on the bench, along with Jerricho Cotchery and Brandon Jacobs -- both of whom scored more than anyone who started. Not gonna win a whole lot of games with Eli Manning as your best player, when he puts up only 11 pts no less. The Birds flew high behind Larry Johnson (21.5), a rejuvenated Carson Palmer (23), and a touch of TJ Houshmandzadeh (16.5) and Donald Driver (15). Perhaps this game might have been better as a bench brawl, as Jon left Joseph Addai's 45 points and Larry Fitzgerald's 22 pts on the hot seat. Still, a win is a win.

Dukes of Hazzard (123.00) vs Jedi Knighs (89.50)
Try as he might, Lum just can't stop the rampaging beast that is Gene. The Baltimore Defense put up a fabulous effort, 25 points, but effort only wins you cheers from the babes -- not actual wins. The Jedi Knights are star deprived and depleted, and they are limping into the playoffs with Delhomme and Pennington at the helm backed up by slumping stars like Hines Ward (5) and Warrick Dunn (11). The Dukes are just starting to warm up, with new Cowboy legend Tony Romo (35 points) flinging the ball to Steve Smith, Andre Johnson, and Reggie Wayne (37 points combined).

And look who's back just in time for the playoffs, number three overall pick, Shaun Alexander! With a nice debut of 20 points (on 40 carries for 200 yards), can Shaun power another team to a championship?

Fobulous (155.50) vs Pizza the Hut (113.00)
In a last ditch attempt to stay in playoff contention, Marcus marshalled his forces of evil (or ineptitude, however you want to see it) and tried to let Frank Gore power his way to victory. Gore's 24 points wasn't quite enough however. And even with the efforts of Matt Leinart (20), Tiki Barber (13.5), and Chad Johnson (15.5), the Huts are going to fall in defeat during the regular season -- before they even get the chance to defend their championship. Hey, at least they're out of the cellar -- Hi Hong!

Oh Jimmy, ride that LT train to victory! LT is the MVP this year, I don't care what anyone says. Another 26.5 points, this time supplemented by Brian Westbrook (25.5), Anquan Boldin (24.5), and Terrell Owens (20). If the Fobsters can capture lightning in a glass every week like this, they can beat anybody. It looks like they are currently on a one week on, one week off win-loss pattern. So whoever plays Jimmy in Round One, watch out!

Razor Ramon (154.50) vs Brown Starz (107.00)
If consistency is the hallmark of champions, then Ryan deserves the championship this year. He only has one game under the century mark (in WK 6) and five games over 130+. He's nigh invulnerable most weeks. Drew Brees, hit'em high with 25 points. Steven Jackson, hit'em low with 29.5 points. Chester Taylor will run (21.5), Michael Vick (20 pts) will pass -- sort of -- and Terry Glenn (22) will catch, and this team will win win win!

The Brown Starz remain an enigmatic team. W-W-L-W-T-L in the past six weeks. They can take you out if you're not looking, but aren't quite good enough to win if you focus hard on them. This team really needs QB Peyton Manning to step up. Brad Johnson should not be outscoring him (26 to 11) and if Peyton doesn't want to play fantasy MVP, who will on this team? Do you really want to rely on Rudi Johnson, Jamal Lewis, Roy Williams, or Darrell Jackson leading the championship drive? They're all nice players but they aren't Peyton now are they?


Next week: Dirty Birds versus The Dukes of Hazzard. Neither team play each other, but with Birds win and a Dukes loss, the Birds could sneak into a playoff bye. Unlikely, but possible. Other than that, it's just playoff jostling.

Week 11

We only got two more weeks here. Plus, the trade deadline is now over and done with. No more Brees-Muhammad, RonnieBrown-Ward, SteveSmith-Grossman trades. Now we strictly ride the horses we got. Hi ho Silver! Regulators, mount up!

Dukes of Hazzard (133.00) vs Dirty Birds (80.00)
Proving that the louder you squawk, the more people tune you out. The Dirty Birds had a huge win last week but came out to play for sole possession of 2nd place and well, crapped a big one. Ronnie Brown? Negative 2 points. Everyone score less than 7.5 points except for Carson Palmer (23) and Larry Johnson (27). Against a growling powerhouse like the Dukes, that's not gonna cut it. Exploding for 133 points, the Dukes rode Willie Parker (19), Steve Smith (17), and Reggie Wayne (20.5) to a win. Plus they picked up the disappointing Reggie Bush, reinvigorated him -- he went from a losing franchise to a winning one -- and he put in 14 points. But forget about football, Gene's going to be a daddy! Duke Jr!

Razor Ramon (113.50) vs Jedi Knights (62.50)
Despite historically collapsing in the second half, Ryan is proving that he's got a bit of stamina this year. Yes sir, with his QBs Drew Brees (500+ yards! 26 pts) and Tom Brady (25) leading the way, the Ramons almost doubled up Lum and his Jedi Knights. The Force is not with you Kevin Jones (0 pts), nor you Isaac Bruce (0.50), nor really, anyone else on the team. No Jedi player notched more than 11.50 points. Hum, that's not going to add up to a victory, not against a math whiz like Ryan! With a win in either of next two weeks, the Razors will secure the number one seed heading into the playoffs.

Fobulous (113.50) vs Brown Starz (113.50)
There's nothing more exciting than... a tie? Despite Galvez still trash-talking to last week's opponent, the Brown Starz rode recent acquisition Jamal Lewis (29.50 pts) to a heads up battle against LT (42.5) and the rest of the Fobulous -- otherwise known as "The LT Cheerleaders." To be quite honest, how can Jimmy have LT, far and away the best player in fantasy this year, and manage to only win 5 games? This team also has big names such as Brian Westbrook, Terrell Owens, Deuce McAllister, and Anquan Boldin on its roster. Only 5 wins? Does someone have his mind on pursuing a different kind of (relationship) championship? With this extraordinary tie, Galvez sneaks into the top three and has a chance to overtake Gene to get a bye in the playoffs. Never underestimate the heart of a champion!

Pizza the Hut (121.00) vs El Nino's (65.00)
Hey look, it's the Toilet Bowl three weeks early! These last place teams were so excited to be out of the playoffs they decided to play in WK11 just for a preview. Marcus got a win! Marcus got a win! As Hong finds new depths to sink to (bye bye Donovan, ouchy ouchy Marques Colston), Marcus comes on strong and rides Chad Johnson's 40 points to a well deserved win. Supporting best player awards go to Matt Leinart (21 pts) and Frank Gore (23). As for Hong's team, well, Thomas Jones scored 13! Woo-hoo!

Neither team is statistically eliminated from the playoffs yet, but barring two losses by Lum and two wins by either Marcus and Hong, we know which teams will be on the outside looking in come playoff time. However, winners never say "die" and both of these teams could still mess up the playoff matchups by pulling an pset or two in the coming weeks. Remember, it's never too early to play for the morale victory. "I'll make you famous....."

Week 10

Dirty Birds (146.50) vs Razor Ramon (102.00)
After riding high on his smack talk from last week, Ryan was taken down from behind (from, not "in the") by Jon. It was reminiscent of the time Jon pushed/nudged Ryan from behind in order to prevent him from catching a TD pass during the Galvez co-workers' Turkey Bowl. Just like that day, the Dirty Birds took out the Razors and left Ryan laying on the floor. Dirty Bird QB Carson Palmer blew up with 32 points, mainly to Donald Driver (28 pts) and the rest of the flock contributed enough to put up the Birds into 2nd place in the league. The Ramons put up a fight with Drew Brees (24) and Steven Jackson (22), but the WR crew failed to contribute in a big way -- M Harrison, Plaxico, and Mike Furrey combined for only 11 points. It's okay true believers, the Razors are still a game ahead of everyone else -- for now.

The Dukes of Hazzard (144.00) vs Pizza the Hut (105.50)
Speaking of smack downs, the Dukes put a hurting on the Huts -- plus they beat them on the football field. These little rim shot asides don't even work anymore do they? I need to re-think my comedic timing and train of thought. Anyway, the Dukes rode the fire hot Willie Parker (35 pts!), along with 20+ performances from both Tony Romo and Ben Roethlisberger to a big win. Was the trade for WR Steve Smith (24) the best one ever? Quite possibly. What has Lum gotten out of Rex Grossman? Nothing!

As for the Huts, well, it might be time to sound the alarm and enjoy last year's ring. Or maybe trade some of their pieces to a contender just to you know, mess things up. They did make a move for Damon Huard, but that seemed to not work out. RB Frank Gore (23) is still an animal but the rest of this team seems to have given up after another loss. Only three more weeks and the pain's all over Marcus!

Brown Starz (106.50) vs Jedi Knights (105.00)
Let's talk about some CLOSE games for a change. The Brown Starz edged out the Knights by 0.5 a few weeks ago, and they did it again! This time by 1.5 points. At this rate, a 2.5 blowout win by Galvez is scheduled to occur in the playoffs if these two teams meet up. I guess having the super steady Peyton Manning will win you some close games. Galvez keeps riding the efforts of Manning, the Bears D, and a smattering of help from a cast of Rudi Johnson, Darrell Jackson, or Roy Williams to keep the wins coming.

Lum seems to be the Bad News Bears, as he keeps on losing close matchups. Still, they are looking good as Hiines Ward and Kevin Jones is ready to power this team to a deep playoff run. Can the other RBs Warrick Dunn and Clinton Portis pick it up? Or will the Knights continue to lose these nail biters? Perhaps another trade is on the horizon?

Fobulous (149.50) vs El Nino's (137.00)
This high powered matchup mirrored the Chargers-Bengals game as both teams exploded. Hong was ready to rip shit up -- excuse the language -- and his team came out firing. WR stars Marques Colston (21) and Donte Stallworth (22) led the way for a balanced attack. Donovan, Thomas Jones, Marion Barber, and Muhsin Muhammad all have very nice games. But oh wait, Eli Manning, the Golden Child, had 0 points? What?

Did we mention that Jimmy had LaDainian EXPLODE for 42 points? Although half of Jimmy's team outright sucks, he's got LT and Westbrook (and TO) pulling the chains each week. That'll cover up for a lot of duds. Add in the mercurial Brett Favre and that makes Fobulous a stick of dynamite nobody wants to meet for in the playoffs. The good thing is, Jimmy can't quite put it together to win more than one game at a time, so it looks like Galvez is headed for another win next week -- historically.

Oh Hong, five losses in a row? Who's your fantasy guru now? Marcus?


Next week: Showdown between two former bottom dwellers who are once again #2 and #3 in the standings. Gene versus Jon! If you want to watch this drama unfold over 12 rounds, pony up for pay-per-view baby. Plus you'll get to see a football game.

Standings: Mid-Season

Razor Ramon (7-2)
Dirty Birds (5-4)
Jedi Knights (5-4)
Dukes of Hazzard (5-4)
Brown Starz (5-4)
Fobulous (5-4)
El Nino's (3-6)
Pizza the Hut (2-7)

Week 9

In an amazing feat, EVERY team in the league scored over 100 points this week. Wow!

Razor Ramon (162.00) vs Pizza the Hut (141.50)
It's true, the Razors cannot be defeated. Even another huge game by their opponents, Ryan stands alone at the top (with a two game lead) and loving it. New QB Drew Brees put up 27 points, Steven Jackson exploded for 31.5, and Marvin Harrison was, well, Marvin Harrison (30 pts). Even after a huge week by the Hut's Javon Walker (41 pts), there was nothing but stars in the Ramon's eyes. Marcus had to be feeling good about a win after Walker, Tiki (22.5) and David Garrard (21) went off, but the crippling effects of having Alex Smith (3), Julius Jones (7), and most of all, Chad Johnson (5) underachieve doomed him to yet another loss. Who can stop this fantasy juggernaut called the Razor Ramons?...

Update: Apparently Ryan and Marcus had a war of words in which Marcus was given the option to have Ryan sit any player in his lineup. Marcus chose Tom Brady. Brady sucked. His replacement, Drew Brees, did not. Had Ryan not played Brees (and stuck with Brady), he would have lost to Marcus. So, as Ryan gloatingly pointed out, Marcus chose his own doom!

Dirty Birds (126.00) vs Brown Starz (111.50)
Well, how about the Dirty Birds, owners of a four game winning streak and already one up on the Razors (114.50 to 109.00 in WK3) this season? The Birds are -- finally -- flying high after taking care of business against the Brown Starz. Randy Moss (10) and Darrell Jackson (5.5) gave a valiant -- not really -- effort on MNF but in the end, they couldn't quite overtake the Birds. The Starz had Brad Johnson put in a big fat zero for the week and aside from WR Roy Williams (22 pts) and former Dirty Bird Jamal Lewis (15.5 pts) it wasn't pretty for Galvez. The Birds didn't have an amazing week themselves (only Bulger, Larry Johnson and Tony G had over 20 points) but it was enough to win. Bring it on Ryan, bring it on!

Jedi Knights (132.50) vs Fobulous (117.5)
Rex Grossman can't seem to return to superhuman form (only 6 pts this week) -- and Grossman for Steve Smith might be the worst trade of the year. Still, it's not like the Jedi Knight's opponent, Jimmy, is putting up much of an effort in a loss that drops him to 4-5 and outside a glut of teams perched at 5-4. The Fobsters are essentially riding the LT train (38.5 pts) and getting a little bit out of Terrell Owens each week (16.5) as they try to climb back into the playoff hunt. QBs Brett Favre and Mark Brunell must be the oldest starting signal-callers in the league and are mediocre at best. WR B Berrian got hurt this week and it's not like Chris Henry is ready to step up. Might be some rough times ahead for Fobulous.

On one final note....this is the season we can actually say "Kevin JONES, Kevin JONES" and have it mean something. He's doing spectacular (28 points this past week) as his Det-roit toughness finally emerges, leading Lum's team to victory after victory.

Dukes of Hazzard (129.00) vs El Nino's (100.00)
Hum, maybe trading -- and mistakenly dropping -- QB Drew Brees earlier in the season wasn't the greatest idea. In return for a possible MVP candidate, "The El Nino's select(ed) Muhsin Muhammad." Underwhelming to be sure. After losing yet another game, four in a row now, the Nino's need some life breathed into their QB core -- Eli Manning (10) and Steve McNair (12) aren't pulling their weight. The only star on this squad is rookie WR Marques Colston (23.5 pts). Bill Simmons said of Coltson this past week, "What were the odds before the season that the Saints would have the Offensive Rookie of the Year and it wouldn't be Reggie Bush? A million to one? A bazillion to one?"

Gene wasted no time playing Willie Parker this week (28.5) and rode him to victory after mis-using him last week. The addition of Tony Romo (22) balances out the increasingly uneven Philip Rivers (12) and allowed the Dukes to head into 5-4 territory to fight it out with three other teams (Jon, Lum, Galvez).


Next week: Razor Ramons (7-2) versus Dirty Birds (5-4). 1st versus 2nd. Is third time the charm? Hoo-ah!

Week 8

Brown Starz (100.50) vs Pizza the Hut (82.50)
Oh man, the Huts are about to fall out of contention after yet another loss (three in a row). After two stellar weeks (WK 5 and 6, 132.50 and 142.00), the Huts are staring at two straight 80-point weeks. Which is the real Huts? It's hard to tell.

They do have good running backs (Tiki, Frank Gore, Julius Jones, and the new find, Wali Lundy), good receivers Chad Johnson, Javon Walker, Kellen Winslow, and Santana Moss, but their QB position is killing them. To say that Alex Smith and Chad Pennington (a combined 8 pts this week) won't do the job is hardly enough. Chad has had an off and on season and could be fine, but Smith is clearly not starter quality. He needs to go, a new QB must be found. And the Huts need to make their move now, by waiver wire or trade, to make a push for the playoffs. They're not that far away from hitting the , but they need to make moves!

The Brown Starz, on the other hand, are looking dandy heading into the second half of the season. They are at an uplifting 5-5 and with Peyton Manning (31 pts) dissecting foes each week, this team is rolling. The Starz didn't even have Corey Dillon and Brad Johnson on Sunday and they've already got a win secured behind Peyton, Rudi Johnson (11), Darrell Jackson ( 13.5), Alge Crumpler (15) and the Bears D (14). Go team Galvez!

Fobulous (117.50) vs Dukes of Hazzard (114.00)
Taiwan versus Korea, and Taiwan wins...despite not starting a QB who was playing. How does it feel to lose to a team that only had one healthy quarterback (Leftwich was out)? It smarts, that's for damn sure. Then again, when LaDainian Tomlinson puts up 42.5 points by himself, he can cover a lot of holes in your offense. Add in Brian Westbrook (13), Terrell Owens (16.5) and Brett Favre's (19) efforts and you have a bonafide Taiwanese victory.

Albeit a very close victory. If only the Korean sensation had played RB Willie Parker (17) instead of the underperforming Leon Washington and Travis Henry -- never trust a Jet -- he would have stolen the win. The Dukes had their own 3 TD stud in Reggie Wayne (38) and excellent performances from fellow WR Andre Johnson ( 17.5) and Steve Smith (16), but they fell a little behind with Matt Leinart's 9 point game, and only 14 from Philip Rivers. I guess inexperience at QB will kill you, in fantasy or in real life. Maybe next week Gene?

Dirty Birds (138.50) vs Jedi Knights (96.50)
The Birds seem to be rising phoenix-like from the ashes. So far this season, any team that has neared to bottom of the standings, or been at the bottom, seems to rebound with two or three wins to get right back in the thick of things. The Birds put up a stellar 138.50 points this week behind Larry Johnson's 4 TDs and 42 points. It looks like Larry's finally coming around to carry his team. While Carson Palmer and Marc Bulger put in some basic games (19 and 24), Freddy Taylor got in the action with two TDs too. Nice.

The Jedi Knights are coming off a two week high (reaching second place in the league in the meantime) and this loss was just a blip on the radar. QB Rex Grossman got back to his old self with 24 points (matched by the Ravens D, also with 24), but that waasn't quite enough to secure a win. RBs Tatum Bell and Warrick Dunn combined for only 9 points total and WRs Hines Ward (12), Drew Bennett ( 2.5) and Bryant Johnson (0.5) weren't too spectacular neither. But it's okay, you can't win'em all right? The Knights might have taken this one up the wazoo but they are still looking good.

Razor Ramons (144.50) vs El Nino's (124.00)
Oh El Nino's, after a pretty outstanding week, they still stand to lose to hated rival Razor Ramons -- unless Tom Brady and Chester Taylor combine for less than 17 points. Not likely. However, that's why they play the game.

The Nino's had outstanding performances from their entire roster this weekend. Thomas Jones (21), New Orleans WR Horn and Colston were the super twins with 51.5 combined, and K Robbie Gould got 12 points. However, the head guys, the QBs for this team failed. Donovan McNabb and Eli Manning only had 11 points apiece, clearly not enough to pull the upset on the Razors. You can't chop off the dragon's head with anything short of Excaliber. Perhaps inserting Muhsin Muhammad ( 14.5) or Marion Barber (16.5) from the bench would have helped, instead it was lackluster efforts by Reggie Bush and Jericho Cotchery that stunk up the joint.
MNF, time to sit back and pray.

If the games hold true and the Razors win this week, it'll be due to the prescient move of starting Ahman Green, who rumbled for an amazing (for him) 25 points. While Michael Vick continues to show his might by throwing his way to 31 pts, the RB-WR duo of Stephen Jackson ( 20.5) and Plaxico Burress (17.5) had great weeks. And that's not all. The Ramons had the Edge (17.5), DeShaun Foster (16) and Drew Brees (25) on the bench. Retarded.

Interestingly, neither team's defenses (Arizona and Denver) put up any points. C'mon kids, no sacks? No interceptions? Nothing? Remarkable.
It looks like it'll take another David -- not a Kelvin or a Hong -- to knock off the Ramon Goliaths.

MNF Update: Brady blew up for 32.00. Game over.


Next Week: Brown Starz versus Dirty Birds. The fight for second place, coming next week!

Week 7

Razor Ramon (149.50) vs Dukes of Hazzard (107.50)
It's official, Ryan reigns supreme. "Mr Fantasy" has scored over 100 points in every matchup this year (except last week's 64.5 point drubbing by Fobulous). In a highl anticipated game for top dog status in the Black Hole, the Razors secured a win with WRs Terry Glenn and Plaxico Burress still to play. Ryan's team passed their way to victory -- Michael Vick with 4 passing TDs and 27.5 points, Tom Brady with a more modest 17 points, Marvin Harrison with 22.5 pts -- but also had Chester Taylor's 25 point explosion to move things along. The Arizona defense wasn't too shabby either, contributing 15 points in a nice effort.

Why couldn't the Dukes take this opportunity to steal the top spot? Well, maybe because treasured defensive star, San Diego's own Shawne Merriman was caught doing steroids perhaps (The Chargers D has since been waived and replaced by the Falcons D)? While Chargers duo Philip Rivers and Antonio Gates hooked up for 33.5 points, that was still bad karma. The WR trio of Andre Johnson (20), Steve Smith (16) and Reggie Williams (21.5) was pretty terrific but when you play the league leader, you can't have your RBs combine for 4.5 points and your other young QB, Matt Leinart, put up only six points.

So here it is, after WK7 and fending off all challengers, Razor Ramon sits atop the league all by his lonesome. And he's loving it.

Brown Starz (137.00) vs El Nino's (84.00)
In a crucial matchup of two 3-3 teams (both coming off losses), it looks like Galvez is taking it to the big house after this weekend. With an aerial attack that featured three 20-point WRs (Randy Moss, Darrell Jackson, Mike Furrey), the Starz exploded this week. Add in Peyton Manning's 33 points and another 15 points from WR Reggie Brown and what do you get? A beatdown on Hong. It didn't even matter that RB Lamont Jordan didn't play -- he did suit up -- or that Chicago defense was on bye, Galvez proved that when you need a big win, he can pull through.

Hong on the other hand, is looking at the receiving end of the hurt stick. Sure, he has a chance on MNF, but logic tells us that Eli Manning, Brandon Jacobs, and Marion Barber III aren't going to combine for the necessary 82 points. Hong's "farked." Maybe it would have helped if his kicker, Robbie Gould, wasn't on bye. Or if WR Donte Stallworth had been scheduled to even play. Instead, the only production Hong go this week (so far) has been from Donovan McNabb's 28 points, and Jericho Cotchery's 11.5. Things are not looking good in the land of the Pan. After five consecutive weeks of over 100 points per game, he's dipped to two weeks of less than 90. It's okay, this team still has the best player in fantasy and this should only be a mid-season bump in the road.

MNF Update: Eli Manning (15), Brandon Jacobs (10) and Marion Barber III gave it the old college go but came up a few dozens points short.


Jedi Knights (156.00) vs Pizza the Hut (81.00)
Another team heading to 4-3 in high style will be the Jedi Knights. After putting up 156 points this week (third highest of the season, 162.5 and 156.5, by Fobulous in WK3 and WK6 respectively), the Knights have vaulted themselves to possibly to 2nd place in the league (pending Fobulous and Dirty Birds' outcome). Not bad hunh?
Recent acquisitions Jake Delhomme (17) and Hines Ward (39) both had excellent games but to reach such dizzying heights requires a team effort. Detroit teammates QB Jon Kitna and RB Kevin Jones both contributed 22 points apice, while Tatum Bell (19.5) and Vikings defense (18) had outstanding games as well. The loss of WR Steve Smith and Ronnie Brown hasn't slowed this team down one bit, in fact, it seems to be a case of addition by subtraction. Go Blue!

As for current champion Pizza the Hut; it's not looking good. Last place is looking mighty lonely. The Hut's can't seem to get out of the quadmire they find themselves stuck in. And now top QB Matt Hasselbeck (10 pts) could be out for quite awhile with a knee injury. It's Alex Smith time! The other QB spot isn't exactly a beacon of hope either, since Charlie Frye is a recent waiver wire addition and only put up 9 points this week. Well, where's the good news? Top RBs Julius Jones and Tiki Barber still have MNF tonight, so they provide hope for an inspiring comeback -- miracles can happen. The rest of the team stunk up the joint this week. Carnell Williams and Chad Johnson had 10 points apiece, but that only equalled the output of the kicker, Neil Rackers. And let's not even mention Santana Moss and Laveranus Coles... The Huts need to pull it together right now to get into the playoffs. Like, right now.
MNF Update: Julius Jones (5.5) and Tiki (14) didn't exactly pull through...

Dirty Birds (124.50) vs Fobulous (116.00)
It's been a battle of inches this year for the Dirty Birds. Despite scoring the second most points in the league, they've had losses by 0.5 points and 18.5 points. Ok, they've only had one close loss (while winning two close games by a combined 11.5 points) but it hurst okay?

The Birds are in for another MNF nail biter as they hold a mere 25.5 point lead over Fobulous. It's Bledsoe-Owens versus the recently acquired kicker, Jay Feely for the Birds. Doesn't look good does it? The Birds need this victory to climb back into contention and the Fobsters are looking to build upon last week's butt kicking of the Razors.

The Birds thought they had a victory in hand with Carson Palmer (20), Larry Johnson (28), Donald Driver (20) and TJ Houshmandzadeh (15.5) having excellent days. But Jimmy didn't do too shabby himself. Fobulous RBs LaDainian Tomlinson and Brian Westbrook combined for 54.5 points and Maurice Jones-Drew put up a decent 15.5 points. Anquan Boldin (7) and Reggie Williams (0) didn't put up their usual numbers but the moral of the story is that Jimmy could steal a MNF victory from his arch-nemesis.

MNF Update: Jay Feely did it (with 10 points)! Fending off Bledsoe (9) and Owens (18) was no small feat the Birds emerge with a 8.5 point victory!


Next Week: Razor Ramon faces off versus El Nino's. A testy WK1 battle ended up with Ramon winning, can Hong strike back?

Week 6

Week Six, the pretenders who were contenders might start falling. It's almost mid-season and all the early season flukes and success are settling. Can't believe that Rex Grossman and Laveranus Coles are the top players at their position? Get over it. It's happening, what're you gonna do about it? Second half success stories are bound to appear so now's the time to keep a sharp eye on the waiver wire.

Early season waiver wire drops/adds and some recent trades could really affect the shape of the league. Let's go boys, time to put up or shut up.


Jedi Knights (108.00) vs El Nino's (84.00)
Proving that being an active trading partner can result in good karma, the Jedi Knights pulled of a relatively easy victory against the Hongshin led El Nino's. As winter approaches, it looks like the Nino's are slowing down some. Donovan McNabb is still the best player in the land (18 pts) but aside from young sensation Marques Colston (12 pts), everyone else on the roster had an off week. Reggie Bush and Thomas Jones combined for 12.5 points total. The other starting receivers -- Galloway and the newly acquired M Muhammad -- had only 10 points total. It's not good when your defense (Broncos, 12 pts) has just about as many points as your WRs and RBs.

The Knights on the other hand got a little bit of sugar and spice from their recent acquisitions. WR Steve Smith exploded the week after leaving the Jedi and new QB Rex Grossman racked up -5 points. That's right, negative five. Whoops. But at least the other new QB, Jake Delhomme had a good day -- from the bench. On the bright side, veteran WR and Super Bowl MVP Hines Ward finally turned in a decent game with 13.5 points. The Jedi can thank the hard running of Clinton Portis (20.5), Tatum Bell (17), and Kevin Jones (24) for their easy victory this week. Both teams now sit in a glut of four teams at 3-3; which way will the teams head in the second half of the season?


Fobsters (156.50) vs Razor Ramon (92.00)
In another upset, fifth place Fobulous destroys top ranked Razor Ramon. Maybe the Razors were looking past this matchup (to next week's showdown with Gene) but they forgot about LT. Upset by the way he's continually misused by Ryan in Madden games, LT decided to show him how it's really done. With multiple touchdowns and 40.5 points, it seems like Tomlinson got his revenge and then some. Despite just average play from his QBs -- Bledsoe 16 and Brunell 13 -- Jimmy got that huge day from LT and a breakout game from TO (24.5) to secure the win.

Ryan did have Steven Jackson go for 18.5 points and a nice effort from Drew Brees (21) and Michael Vick (15), but the receiving trio of Terry Glenn, Plaxico Burress, and Keyshawn Johnson averaged 6 points each, and that's not going to win too many games for you. Still the Razors are dangerous going into next week's primetime matchup.


Dirty Birds (148.00) vs Pizza the Hut (142.00)
Who knew that the two worst teams would make for the highest scoring game in the league so far? In week 6, it's make or break time. The Birds need this win to remain in playoff contention. The Huts have to start putting some points on the board, otherwise their repeat aspirations will die soon. Both teams came out flying and ready to battle for their lives.

The Hut's main QB, Matt Hassellbeck finally showed his passing acumen with 27 points to lead the way. His main target? Laveranus Coles who racked up 24.5 points. With Tiki Barber (23.5) chuggging away on the ground, the supporting cast of Julius Jones, Frank Gore, Chad Johnson and Santana Moss all put in double digit efforts.

Unfortunately for Marcus, Jon seems headed for a win this week as he had both ends of the Rams' explosive week. Marc Bulger had 28 points and Torry Holt had 37. If the Birds lose this week, it can't be because they didn't have great performances. Actually, if Pizza's K Neil Rackers kicks 18 points on MNF to tie (and 19 to win), it'll all be GM Yang's fault as he chose not to play a third WR this week.

While this may have opened up the field for Holt and Bulger (and TJ Houshmandeh with 21 pts), the crucial missing player could lead to a huge demoralizing loss. In fact, all of Jon's offensive players had their real NFL teams lose, which may be a record in itself. At least the Birds are poised for a good second half of the season, as recent addition Ronnie Brown warmed up with 17 points to fill a season long hole at RB2 for the Birds. "TJ Houshmanzilly, championship!"


Duke of Hazzard (141.50) vs Brown Starz (101.00)
Here we go kids, the Dukes are racking up the wins and taking no prisoners doing it. With a lopsided this week against the Starz, that makes four straight for Mr Kim and his boys. Whatever motivational ploy he's been using is clearly working. Even after jettissoning red-hot QB Rex Grossman, the Dukes had Philip Rivers (24) and JP Losman (15) waiting in the wings. The gain from that trade, WR Steve Smith, exploded for 28 points. I'd say that trade was a good one for Gene. With fast Willie Parker (19.5)zipping through the big holes created by the passing game (A Gates and Andre Johnson had 27 pts combined), the Dukes are firing on all pistons during their best game of the year.

Sadly, the same cannot be said of the Brown Stars. Galvez had eeked out a few wins earlier in the season but all that karma is catching up. With his backfield of Lamont Jordan and Rudi Johnson combining for a mere 11 pts, it was hard for WRs Darrell Jackson (17) and Reggie Brown (28) to pick up the slack. In fact, the two QBs for the Starz had 6 points total -- Plummer with 8 and McNair with (-)2 -- which is totally unacceptable. The Brown Starz will soon turn into a little troupe of Brownies if they don't hurry up and pick up a win.

Next week: Battle for #1, Razor versus Dukes........ Ex-Groom versus Future-Groom......bring...it...on.

Week 5

Razor Ramon (116.50) vs Brown Starz (91.50)
In a match-up of two 3-1 teams and the current league leaders, the Ramons showed the world who was up and which team was down. Despite coming into this game with a three game win streak, the Starz were easily defeated by the cream of the crop.

Establishing himself as the team to beat, the Razors have sliced up all competitors this season. With a balanced, well-built team with plenty of depth at all positions, the Razors are like the Patriots dynasty -- no superstars but plenty of super players. And who better to lead these Patriots than the original Patriot, Tom Brady? Note the irony of Brady leading his team against the die-hard Michigan fan, Galvez.
But it wasn't just Brady powering the Razors to victory. D Brees, S Jackson, E James, P Burress, D Foster, and even the K J Wilkins all scored in double digits. And that's not accounting for WRs M Harrison and T Glenn, who were just off the ten point mark. That's depth. That's the best team in the league.

Galvez has slip slided his way to three straight victories but the buck stops here. Peyton Manning had an unexpected struggle with the Titans D and despite a resurgence of Randy Moss (13.5 pts) and the always steady Bears D (15.0 pts), it wasn't enough to compete for the top prize. PS- Anyone see Galvez's Yahoo icon? Toot toot indeed. Galvez, you dirty dog.

Dukes of Hazzard (96.50) vs Jedi Knights (73.00)
Could it be? The Dukes are headed up? With another win this week, the Dukes will vault yet another foe in the standings and be at 3-2 for the season. That's right, above 0.500. Call it the rebirth of slick. Behind the awesome might -- cough, cough -- of Rex Grossman (17 pts), the Dukes ran (W Parker, 14.5), passed (B Leftwich, 15.0), caught (A Gates, 12.5) and hit (San Diego, 11.0) their way to a third consecutive victory. And aside from the continued good play of WR Greg Jennings (18.5), the Jedi Knights didn't put up much of an effort. The Knight's QBs combined for 16 pts, their RBs combined for 20.5(among 3 of them) and that was that. If this season is a movie trilogy, the Jedi are squarely mired in "The Empire Strikes Back," a dark time for the rebel alliance.

Pizza the Hut (132.50) vs Fobulous (105.00)
Here's a team who needed a win in the worst way. Paper champions Pizza the Hut had lost three in a row and looked on the verge of disaster. However, with a great week in tow, they could be on the upswing again. Powered by young QBs Damon Huard (20) and Alex Smith (19), the Huts are here to prove that experience is nothing. With the one ring that rules them all, the Huts marshalled the forces and got great production out of RBs F Gore (17.5), J Jones (12.5), and T Barber (14.5). Chip in a nasty Philadelphia D (23) that manhandled Drew Bledsoe for 3 picks and the Huts were able to put up their best week of the season. With the heart of a champion, Pizza finally had the game of a champion too.

Really, what could Jimmy do against a force of nature like Damon Huard? Well, he might have started a defense who wasn't on bye (Bengals D), that's for sure. In a move that will be investigated for weeks to come, some cynics have said that Jimmy threw the game. Then again, with gems like RBs M Jones-Drew (17), D McAllister (18.5) as well as beautiful games by WRs A Boldin (15) and B Berrian (17), the Fobsters did put up a fight. But isn't that what the greatest cheats always want us to think? It was just good enough to lose. Hum....very suspicious......

El Nino's (115.00) vs Dirty Birds (99.00)
In a self proclaimed "Death Match," the Birds look well on their way to committing ritual suicide. With no reason to live anymore (if they lose), the Birds can only hope that Jamal Lewis and Matt Stover can somehow overcome Todd Heap and a 20+ deficit for a miracle win on Monday night. Short of any miracles, the Birds are headed to the bottom of the pile. Despite heroic efforts by QB Marc Bulger (20) and RB Larry Johnson (20), the Birds just stink. The resurgent Freddy Taylor (21.5) was left on the bench -- proving that GM Yang has not only lost his touch, but maybe he never had it in the first place.

Hong, front runner for GM of the Year, has proven that his butt buddy relationship with Donovan McNabb (29) not only produces questions about both their sexual orientations, but also victories. Why in the world is K Robbie Gould scoring 19 points in a week? Is this even possible for a kicker? At least the El Nino's waiver wire wonders J Cotchery and M Colston combined for only 10.5 points this week. And at least WR J Galloway (20.5) was left on the bench, otherwise this game would have been well out of reach -- even for a miracle. But still, a victory is forthcoming and here come the El Nino's; aiming for a heated re-match with the always dangerous Razor Ramons. "Immortality! Take it! It's yours!"
MNF Update: Jon lost. What else you want to know?

Next week: Does it even really matter anymore? I hate fantasy football.
Shouldn't we be adults and play stocks or something? Oh wait, I'd lose at
that too.

Week 4

Razor Ramon (123.00) vs Jedi Knights (121.00)
In a battle between the 2nd and 3rd place teams in the league, Razor Ramon reasserted themselves after a slight misstep last weekend. Proving that all it takes to eliminate a tough opponent is some young (S Jackson, 23 pts) and some old (T Glenn, 21.50), the Razors rode a balanced week, and the 18-pt golden foot of K Jeff Wilkins, to a tight victory. The Jedi Knights suffered a huge emotional loss in WK3 and this week was no better, as they fell short again on MNF -- Greg Jennings, why couldn't you score? In brighter news for the Jedi, Clinton Portis (20) and Steve Smith (19) are back and in full effect. These Madden foes might have matched up better if Chris had sneaked Kevin Jones (23.50) into the lineup over the moribund Warrick Dunn. But who could have seen that move? Look for the Knights to get stronger as we hit mid-season.

Update: Another Monday Night, another close loss for Chris. This time, Greg Jennings comes up two points short of a tie, three points short of a win. Next Monday perhaps? Galvez's K David Akers outscores both combined with a mere 8 points.

Brown Starz (135.00) vs Fobulouos (69.50)
It's not a stretch to say that Galvez kicked the living daylights out of top contender Jimmy this week. Nearly doubling Jimmy's score, the Brown Stars proved that last week's close win over the Jedi was no mind trick. With new RB Lamont Jordan contributing 20pts and a nice balanced effort by the rest of the team (Peyton and Brad Johnson combine for 34, the RBs combine for 27.50, and WR Roy Williams got a nice 17.50), Galvez had this game sewn up from the beginning. Fobulous barely put up an effort heading into MNF. The only players to get into triple digits were WRs Terrell Owens and Braylon Edwards, along with QB Drew Bledsoe. None of them notched more than 15 points -- bench WR Bernard Berrian would have contributed 17.5. Unless a miracle happens in Lambeau (B Favre and B Westbrook), Fobulous drops down to the rest of the pack. So Sowwy......

Update: Brian Westbrook doesn't play, and Brett Favre has the worst 2nd half ever. Game over.

El Nino's (139.50) vs Pizza the Hut (85.50)
Speaking of butt kicking, Pizza the Hut is having a hell of a year so far. His top two QBs contributed 8 pts, total. New star Frank Gore contributed 6 pts. Without Julius Jones' 18 pts and the help of Kellen Winslow (10.5), Laveranues Coles (11), and Reueben Droughns (11), the Huts would have been super crushed instead of crushed. Santana Moss and his 33 pts off of 3 TDs might have helped lessen the gap, but just barely. Actually, El Nino already has 100 pts heading into MNF with Donovan McNabb and Donte Stallworth on board. Those two will probably put up almost 40 pts together, pushing the Nino's into the stratosphere again. Hong's in the early running for GM of the year with such moves as Thomas Jones (22), Jerricho Cotchery (13.5), Marques Colston (21.5), and K Robbie Gould (14). Have you even heard of the last three guys before this season? And that trade for WR Muhsin Muhammad -- for QB Drew Brees -- seems to be working out as Muhsin put up 12.5. That's right, Hong's riding the Bears offense on the way to the top! Changing the fantasy football paradigm indeed. Outstanding.

Update: Yup, Donovan went crazy. He got 36, Donte Stallworth got 2.50, which is almost 40 points on the dot. I'm a genius. Or wait, Hong's a genius.

The Dukes of Hazzard (138.50) vs Dirty Birds (136.50)
Here we go, Battle of the Titans, or um, Battle of the Losers. Showing that beating up on your friends will always bring out the best, the Birds and Dukes are putting together a huge week. They are combining for a total of 267.50 this week, barely nudging out the Ryan-Hong matchup from WK1 (247.5). So, who won? We dont' know! It's coming down to the wire with Gene leading Jon by 9.5 with Donald Driver to go for Jon. Woo-wheee. An old fashioned barn burner!

The Birds finally got Larry Johnson to put up some decent numbers, 28 pts while Torry Holt and TJ Houshmandzadeh combined for 29. Newly acquired QB Marc Bulger had an outstanding 30 pts but it was really the Falcons Def that piled up the points for Jon, to the tune of 22 points. Gene on the other hand had a trio of big twenty point games from Byron Leftwich (25), Laurence Maroney (25.5), and Andre Johnson (20.5). Rex Grossman, making an early bid for surprise fantasy star of the year, had 19 points also. So, can Driver score 10 points? We shall see. Either way, our two bottom dwelling (ass kissing) teams are on their way up!

Update: And so this is how it ends, Donald Driver finishes with 7.5 points and Jon goes home with a two point loss. Ouch.

Next Week: Week Five ya'll, cowboy up!

Week 3

Brown Starz (112.00) vs Jedi Knights (111.50)
Our game of the week certainly didn't disappoint. Chris and Galvez? Galvez and Chris? A true battle for the ages. Galvez held a slight lead going into Monday Night -- 5.5 points -- but Lum still has Warrick Dunn. 5.5 points for Dunn should be a mortal lock so it's over. Bye bye Brown Starz. All you haters out there? Yeah that's you, Razor Ramon, Gene, Hong.....Chris showed you! Despite having no peer support whatsoever (everyone voted for Galvez over Lum), Chris got the big win.

How'd he do it? RB Clinton Portis, just destroying the Texans with 28 total points after just a few quarters of play. He probably could of had forty but held back. Much like his team owner, Portis is a compassionate man. Problems loom on the horizon however for the powerful Jedi. Their QBs aren't looking that hot (Culpepper and McNair) and despite a strong running corps (Portis, R Brown, Dunn plus D Foster, K Jones, T Bell) and the successful return of Steve Smith, the receivers are a tad weak. In a moral saving move, half-black half-Korean Hines Ward was cut Monday afternoon, sending repurcussions throughout the Asian community. Filipino spokesman and BEP member Apl.de.ap had this to say:

"Lapit mga kaibigan at makinig kayo
Ako'y may dala-dalang balita galing sa bayan ko
Nais kong ipamahagi ang mga kwento
Ng mga pangyayaring nagaganap
Sa lupang pinangako"

Galvez translated that for us and it means, in a few more words, "Let's eat my Filipino brothers." Speaking of those Brown Starz, how'd they lose? WRs Darrell Jackson (20.5) and Roy Williams (22.5) both had great games and Peyton Manning had an easy 20 points. But RBs Rudi Johnson and Corey Dillon combined for only 7 points. That's not gonna help many teams run toa win. So in the battle of the brown, Superlum stands victorious.

Post MNF - Oh No! Our game of the week turns again! Galvez wins, Galvez wins! Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier! Ali boma-ye! Havlicek stole the ball! It's all over! Johnny Havlicek stole the ball! Warrick Dunn, why couldn't you catch one more pass? Run or receive one more yard? Oh No!

Fobsters (162.50) vs El Nino's (105.50)
A butt-kicking I've personally wanted to administer myself (except Hong's bigger than me. Muscles, I mean, his muscles are bigger). Ah well, I guess if someone's gonna have to beat Hong it might as well be Jimmy so that when I beat Jimmy, I can say that I'm better than Hong too. While Hong still unearths the gems (K Robbie Gould had 15 pts), his usual stars faltered. And by stars I'm referring to Thomas Jones, Jerricho Cotchery, and Joey Galloway. Let's see. Oh right, Donte Stallworth -- who killed many teams this week with a surprising visit to the sidelines.

With Donovan still kicking ass and taking names, the Nino's can afford one off-week. The Fobsters pretty much rode two players to their overwhelming victory. Old standard Brett Favre threw for 3 TDs (29 pts) and versatile Brian Westbrook also had 3 TDs on his way to 35 pts for the week. Not bad eh? It's rare that a matchup with four players still to go on Monday (Reggie Bush and Saints D for Hong, Deuce McAllister and K John Carney for Jimmy) is already over. Unless Hong magically planted his former beloved player, J Carney, to score -50 something points for Jimmy.

Post MNF - And Jimmy finishes with the highest score -- so far -- for the season...162.50 points. Congrats.

The Dukes of Hazzard (105.50) vs Pizza the Hut (89.00)
Apparently Marcus will have to do questionable dragon maneuvers with Hong. Been there, done that. Why not wager something less common? Like NOT playing dragons with Hong? Last place Dukes finally pulled it together and through a mighty team effort -- 7 players in double digits -- took down the Huts. It's nice to get that first win isn't it? Gene could have poured on the hurt if he had played Willie Parker (26.5). Maybe next week. Actually, he's going to have to next week because the 2006 version of the Madden curse hit early and hit hard. Number two overall pick Shaun Alexander has a broken foot. Whoops. But he was sucking it up this year anyway, so maybe a change to Fast Willie Parker won't be a bad thing.

Marcus had an injury himself this weekend. Young star Frank Gore strained his abdomen muscles while stretching toward a touchdown. He'll be back however -- and so will his fumbleitis. Oh well. The only player to even show up on Sunday for the Huts was Matt Hasselbeck, who tossed 5 TDs (but somehow only managed 25 pts). Maybe our scoring system is all wrong. How can 5 TDs only be 25 pts? Heck, Marcus sat down Javon Walker -- 3 recepts, 130 yards, 2 TDs -- and he had 26.50 points. Weird.

Dirty Birds (114.50) vs Razor Ramon (109.00)
In a matchup with trash-talking throughout, the Birds (ironically) headed into MNF facing QB Michael Vick. While the Birds seemed to be flying high and well on their way to a big first victory of the season, the Razors somehow -- through the late game fantasy heroics of Tom Brady -- got within 16 points. Vick has averaged well over 20 points each week and the (S)aints aren't exactly the Monsters of the Midway. At least Jon has the ATL defense to get a few spare points. For the Birds, QBs Palmer and the newly acquired Marc Bulger provided some decent scoring and WRs Holt (22) and Fitzgerald (15) were forced to offset Fred Taylor and Joseph Addai's (lack of) production. The 2-0 Razors fougth back with a balanced attack of RBs E James (15.5), Steven Jackson (12.5), Chester Taylor (9.5) and the always smooth Marvin Harrison (12). So, did Vick pull it off? Can the Birds knock-off the king of the hill? Wait and see.

Post MNF - Jon squeaks, and I mean, squeaks out his first victory as Vick tallies only 11 points. Who thinks the NFL rigged the Saints to win, raise your hand. Still, Jon gets a much needed win and the Razors almost had a great comeback.


Next week: Jon versus Gene. Both self-proclaimed fantasy gurus. Both sitting pretty with one win each. Who will pull to 0.500? Let's hope it's Jon (totally unbiased). Maybe they can tie. Which would be fitting.

Week 2

Brown Starz (137.00) vs Dirty Birds (116.50)
Jon gave it the old college try on Monday night (no, not THAT old college try. No means "no" Hong. Plus, what would Janelle think?). Down by almost 40 points, he held out hope that Fred Taylor might come through. Yeah right. Like the rest of Jon's young season, Fred Taylor came up just a bit short (leaving room for Gene to insert obvious joke here). While the projected stats had the Birds winning by 0.06th of a point, Galvez got the last laugh as he annihilated his WK2 opponent (while recording the current season high 137 pts) behind Peyton's 32 pts and Rudi Johnson's remarkable 27. Did it really hurt the Starz to have #1 WR Randy Moss score less than the kicker (9 to 4)? Not really. The only bright spot for the Birds? Carson Palmer put up 2 TDs and a decent 21 pts. Here are two teams going in opposite ways despite being next to each other in the standings. What can Brown do for you? Kick your ass, just like Big Blue at Notre Dame. Go Brown?

Jedi Knights (110.50) vs Fobulous (105.00)
While Steve Smith and Clinton Portis still sit due to injury, the Knights keep on rolling along. After last week's cakewalk, the Knights had a small nail-biter of a victory, winning by only 5.5 points. Of course, the Baltimore defense exerted its will in the end (24 pts) and extinguished all of Jimmy's hopes. Actually, nobody on the Knights had over 20 pts except for that stellar defensive effort. So take that non-native English speaker...stomp, stomp. As for Fobulous, if only they had played QB Brett Favre (27) or RB Deuce McAllister (18.50) instead of Mark Brunell (8.0) and Chris Brown (0.5), they would have won. Heck, Jimmy could have played WR Derrick Mason (6.5) instead of Chris Brown and won. In even worse news, TO is out for 2-4 weeks. Jimmy will need LT to really step up in the coming weeks.

Razor Ramon (123.50) vs Pizza the Hut (110.50)
One man's 110.50 pts is a nice win, another man's 110.50 is a close loss. Current champ Pizza the Hut suffered from a slightly underpowered week as nobody on the roster topped 20 points. RB Frank Gore continues his early season tear (18 pts) along with Laveranues Coles' surprising early season (19 pts). In fact, they are playing so well that Gore is the #4 player in fantasy so far and Coles is the 2nd best WR in the land (behind, of all people, Donte Stallworth). The Hut's main QB, Matt Hasselbeck, continues to disappoint with back to back 11 point weeks. And what of our league's own Chad Johnson / TO counterpart? Ryan "the Mouth, the Razor" Ramon keeps kicking ass. I guess when you're on a roll you're on a roll right? Engaged, moved out of the hotel, winning in fantasy...

With QB Michael Vick running roughshod over the league and a nice group of steady players (T.Brady, E.James, S.Jackson, C.Taylor, M.Harrison, P.Burress) beside him, the Razors are looking damn good. Oh, did we mention that WRs Antonio Bryant (21) and Terry Glenn (18) rode the bench? That's right, Antonio Bryant, he of the back to back 100+ yard games. Oh, and did we mention, Deion Branch is back? And so is Big Ben (although he sucked Monday)? Uh oh guys, get ready for some touchdown dances from Ryan...

El Nino's (134.50) vs The Dukes of Hazzard (102.50)
Which is the teacher and which is the grasshopper here? A few short years ago we used to play a game called "Hong, name five non-Charger football players." Suffice to say, it was a game we loved. Now Hong's having the last laugh. Donovan McNabb, superstar and leader in individual points. Chad Pennington? Brilliant pickup. Donte Stallworth? #1 WR. Jerrico-fucking-Cotchery? 21 points. And who the hell is Marques Colston (13 pts)?! I'm looking at Hong's waiver wire pickups for my keeper league pickups! I've sunk to a new low. The El Nino's are for real baby! The only reason they aren't undefeated is because they ran into the freight train that was Ryan in the first week.

Oh Gene, oh Gene. How far we've fallen. We, who are proclaimed sports experts, are last and second to last in our fantasy league. Our teams are in ruins and you're starting Alex Smith as your QB. And that's been a bright spot. M.Bulger, W.McGahee, W.Parker, A.Gates and S.Alexander have all been disappointments so far. Even though Reggie Wayne and Andre Johnson are showing signs of life, they can only do so much. Should we dig a hole and lie together? Or can we rise from the ashes and go backtobacktobacktoback miracle homers to win the game like the Dodgers. I'm using (the hated) Dodger references now, how far we've fallen. Is the dream over before it's even begun?


Next Week: Brown Starz versus Jedi Knights! Battle of the Roomies, Part II: Return of the Jedi or The (Brown) Empire Strikes Back?

Week 1

Jedi Knights (123) vs Dirty Birds (85)
Proving that if you talk the talk you gotta walk the walk, the Dirty Birds were humbled by almost 50 points and the quiet Jedi Knights proved again that being loqacious means nothing if you can't back it up on the football field. The Birds highly touted QB tandem of C.Palmer and J.Delhomme combined for 9 points. TJ "Houshmazilli" (Championship!) didn't even play and second RB R.Droughns might as well stayed home with 2 pts. K A.Vinatieri was one of the top scorers for the Birds, that's never good. Keep in mind that the Knights dominated with top picks Steve Smith, Ronnie Brown, and Clinton Portis on the bench. That's right, they won easily without their three best players. Hines Ward (13) and Tony Gonzalez (19) were stellar. Also, credit a great defense (Baltimore, 19 pts) and kicking game (Shayne Graham, 12 pts) for steadying the Knights. Return of the Jedi indeed.

Pizza the Hut (116) vs Brown Starz (77)
There's no shame in losing to last year's champion. Fear, awe, intimidation, these are all tools that Pizza the Hut can use this year. Of course, the Brown Starz must be a bit disheartened that they couldn't even put up much of a fight. Indeed, Big Mistake Jake Plummer had -2 pt for the week. The only bright spot in this loss was the hard running of Corey Dillon for the Starz. Otherwise, a totally forgetful week. The Huts, on the other hand, proved that all it takes to win is a bit of Tiki (19.5), a touch of Julius (16.5) and a whole lot of Warner (25). The current champion also left about 100 points on the bench with Mike Bell (16), Frank Gore (29), Lavaranues Coles (19) and Kellen Winslow (16) all sitting this one out. Scary. Can we say "Repeat?"

Razor Ramon (130.5) vs El Nino's (117.5)
In this week's marquee matchup, former Hotel roommates (well, the most recent former Hotel roommates) and now bitter frenemies, beat up on each other to achieve a combined score of 248 points. Mr Pan, once again proving his amazing football acumen, had Donte Stallworth (23) and Reggie Bush (15) exceed all expectations. Donovan McNabb, emotional, spiritual, and physical leader for the Nino's had a butt kicking 25 pts. Still, no victory. In a week that defies categorization, the Razor Ramon's only had two players NOT score in double digits. While no player put up even 20 pts, the consistency of the overall roster powered Ramon to high powered victory and top dog status for Week 1. It also sounds like the GM of the Razors will be receiving a free Cheesecake meal -- to be paid by the defeated, and embittered, GM of the El Nino's.

Fobulous (117.5) vs The Dukes of Hazzard (74.5)
It looks like it's true, "You can't come home again (and still know your football)." Our favorite Italian-Korean put up a demoralizing Week 1 low of 74.5 points. The high point? Um, Wee Willie Parker had 13.5 pts? With QB Trent Green knocked out by a vicious hit and Madden Cover boy Shaun Alexander well on his way to bust status, Mr Kim(izzoli) should be worried. Our other foreign friend, FOB Jimmy Wu had a pretty nice week with his favorite boy LaDainian Tomlinson leading the way with 21.5 points. While QBs Drew Bledsoe and Mark Brunell were awful, the supporting cast of Tomlinson, B.Westbrook (21), Terrell Owens (17), A.Boldiin (14) and J.Shockey (13.5) all turned in excellent efforts on their way to an easy breezy victory. So Gene, how do you say "I got my butt kicked" in Italian? Or better yet, how do you say "Son of a terrorist whore!" Materazzi, out. Viva L'Italia!

Next Week: Pizza the Hut versus Razor Ramon!!!